Dear Miss Romano,

 

Let me be among the first to welcome you to the world! There is no doubt that your presence here will make it a far better place.

 

I trust you had a safe and comfortable journey here and that you are finding all the facilities to your liking and enjoyment. Please feel free to avail yourself of whatever your heart should desire or require and have the bill sent directly to your parents for oh, the next 18 years or so.

 

Also, I must congratulate you on your choice of name. The world has become so chock full of Janes & Marys and LaToyas that it is refreshing to see you choose something that reflects your own individuality.

 

I do have one question though and it is based on your parentage - Are you going to spell that N3w B4bY! ? I think that would be wayy C001

 

Please give my heartfelt and sincere congratulations to your Mom and Dad and tell Dad to get back to work soon because he needs to earn loads of money to buy you all the wonderful things that girls can own - I will make sure that I keep you apprised of all the new expensive groovy stuff that comes on the market over the coming years. Just never take no for an answer from Dad because really, he's a push over.

 

Oh and remember to be nice to your brothers and sisters because, although you know in your own heart that you are much cleverer and much prettier than all of them, they will always be bigger than you - trust me on this, I happen to know it's true - being as handsome and intelligent as I am  and having older siblings, I have experienced first hand the results of my own personal superiority :)

 

Again, welcome to the world - it's a pleasure to have you here.

 

Make sure you give my best wishes to Mom & Dad too!

 

Cheers

Shane